Something all
farther should understand Parental Alienation can happen to you and your child. Have no illusion on this Parental Alienation is child abuse and the
effects on the child can and well come out one way or another. Here are a few
things you should know about it .
What Is Parental Alienation?
© 2013 by Richard A. Warshak, Ph. D.Most children whose parents live apart from each other long for a good relationship with both parents and want to be raised by both. In my own studies, and those of other researchers, children say that the worst part of divorce is that they do not get to spend enough time with their parents. The parent they spend the most time with during the week usually has less time for the children after the divorce because of the responsibilities of earning a living and running a household without the other parent’s assistance. Children are also unsatisfied with the type of relationship they can have with a parent seen mainly on weekends.
The majority of children want contact with both parents on a regular basis, and the most common preference among children, and among adults looking back on their parents' divorce, is for parenting plans that more evenly balance their time between homes.
Some children, though, do not crave more time with an absent parent. Instead, these children reject one parent, resist contact, or show extreme reluctance to be with the parent. These children are alienated. In some cases, children have good reasons to reject a deficient parent. In other cases, children reject a parent with whom they previously had a good relationship, often paralleling their other parent's negative attitudes. The children's treatment of the rejected parent is disproportionate to that parent's behavior and inconsistent with the prior history of the parent-child relationship. The following section concerns the category of children whose alienation is not reasonably justified by the rejected parent’s behavior.
Characteristics Of Severely Alienated Children
Severe cases of a child’s irrational alienation from a parent differ from mild and moderate cases by the extent of the child’s rejection of a parent and the degree of negativity in the attitudes and behavior toward the rejected parent. Severely alienated children express extremely polarized views of their parents; they have little if anything positive to say about the rejected parent and often rewrite the history of their relationship to obscure positive elements. They seem content to avoid all contact with the parent, may reject an entire branch of their extended family, and often threaten to defy court orders for contacts with the rejected parent. Severe alienation includes behavioral, emotional, and cognitive dimensions.Behavioral Impairments
Severely alienated children treat the rejected parent with extreme hostility, disobedience, defiance, and withdrawal. They may resist or refuse contact, vandalize and steal property, threaten and perpetrate violence. A boy told the custody evaluator that he would like to give his father a hard kick between the legs, kill him in his sleep, and have him die a horrible death. Children at the severe end of the continuum of parental alienation typically display such venom. Often these children behave well with all other adults except the rejected parent and people associated with that parent. By contrast, physically abused children fear the abuser and act obsequious, respectful, and compliant so as to avoid angering the parent. Typically they do not openly defy or disrespect the abusive parent. Also, physically abused children often resist separation from the abusive parent and want to be reunited with that parent.Emotional Impairments
When not treating the alienated parent with open contempt, severely alienated children remain aloof and express no genuine love, affection, or appreciation. They fail to give Mother’s and Father’s Day cards. Rather than express contrition for behavior that far exceeds the bounds of decency and normal behavior, alienated children show no apparent shame or guilt for mistreating a parent. Severe alienation is not a situation, as one attorney argued, where children merely love one parent a lot more than the other parent. These children harbor strong and irrational aversion toward a parent with whom they formerly enjoyed a close relationship. The aversion may take the form of fear, hatred, or both.
Cognitive Impairments
The child’s thoughts and statements about the rejected parent usually reflect trivial, shallow, and inauthentic complaints, often in words that echo the favored parent despite the child’s claim that the words are his own. In some cases, when trivial complaints fail to accomplish the goal of severing contact with a parent, favored parents and children lodge accusations of abuse.Alienated children’s thoughts about their parents become highly skewed and polarized. They seem unable to summon up positive memories or perceptions about the rejected parent, and have difficulty reporting negative aspects or experiences with the favored parent. They rewrite the history of their relationship with the rejected parent to erase pleasant moments. By contrast, physically abused children often try to maintain a positive image of the abusive parent. They cling to positive memories of being nurtured by, and having fun with, their abuser.
With children who are severely and irrationally alienated, critical thinking about parents is nowhere in evidence. Instead the children demonstrate knee-jerk support of the favored parent’s position in any situation where the parents disagree. Some children ask to testify against a parent in court, or to speak with the judge to lobby for their favored parent’s position in the litigation. One of the most pernicious signs of unreasonable alienation is what I call hatred by association—the spread of hatred to people and even objects associated with the rejected parent, such as members of the extended family, therapists, and pets.
Children in these situations learn to curry favor with one parent by echoing that parent’s complaints about the other parent. They learn that it displeases one parent when they show signs of connection and affection with the other parent. Often they refer to the rejected parent by first name or with a term of derision, rather than as Mom or Dad. Although others see clearly that a child’s negative attitude toward one parent developed in the shadow of the other parent’s hostility, the alienated child disavows any such influence. Instead the child blames the rejected parent and relatives for provoking the child’s hatred, but the child often gives vague reasons for the rejection.
If you
are the one who is or know someone who is doing Parental Alienation then you
need to ask yourself some things
A message to the abuser ...
What ever your reason is for what you are doing, it is not acceptable.Your are hurting your children more than you are hurting your ex partner, and for this reason, in your current frame of mind you are not an acceptable parent and nor do you deserve even to be called a parent, as you are in fact a disgrace to parenthood.
You are sick and in need of treatment and are risking being removed from your children's lives to an arm’s length relationship with them, possibly even being able to see them under supervision only.
* Is this what you really want ?
Your legal team will know if you are lying and if they are ethical will pull you up, but if they do not pull you up they stand to earn a lot of money by allowing you to persist with your lies.Do not believe otherwise as this type of unethical behavior is more common than you think.
Now you know if you are lying and so do they, so you have to ask yourself if you can trust such a legal team to give you honest advice, as dishonest advice will cost you dearly in many ways, at the end of the day. You may even loose your children because of it and you may even end up broke as well, they don't care about you or your children at all, just the money.
* Do you want this to happen ?
You are risking your children's mental health, your ex partners and certainly your own...and what for ?If you are a woman you are a disgrace to womanhood, if you are a man you are a disgrace to manhood, and either way you are a disgrace to parenthood and any decent society, sorry but that is the truth, that is the way you will be seen and will remain so until you do something constructive about it.
* Do you really want to be this person ?
The people around you that you think you have deceived into believing your lies and into supporting you in your actions, will most likely at some point wake up to what you are doing, and will leave you in droves.* Do you want to loose your family and friends ?
You will at some point, have made a name for yourself with authorities and the public at large for what you are doing and as bad news spreads fast, most decent people will want nothing to do with you. In this age of electronic communications, you can be easily exposed and identified wherever you go. Continue and you will have trouble in relationships yourself, as when your new partner discovers the real you, they too will sooner or later, run.Do you really think any intending partner worth having wants to live under your roof knowing what you did to your ex and the children, they must surely be very concerned that you may do it to them one day when it suits you to.
* Do you want to be a person that can't be trusted ?
The Courts are becoming more and more aware and less tolerant of people like you every day and should you persist, the time is approaching when they will not tolerate you and remove the children from you to be placed with the other Parent, or worse maybe into an institution. If this is what you want, don't change except why wait, just give them over now, if it is not, stop now before it is too late, and do all to make a mends.* Do you want to loose your children ?
You have to consider that, if you are reading this site, so too are many others and maybe even your ex, and this site along with many others like it intends to do all they can to help him/her to either help you and the children, or to fight you for their sake.You have forgotten what you should and now the courts insist on, and that is, the children's welfare must come first.
You are an adult at least in size, the children are defenseless and you are abusing that to your own perverted and wrongly perceived benefit.
THINK ABOUT IT
